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Idiots of 2005

[COMMENT:  This arrived in an email.   No comment.   E. Fox]

Number 1 Idiot of 2005

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control centre.  Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants.  I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.  She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.  I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.  Here's your sign lady - wear it with pride!

 Number 2 Idiot of 2005

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747's.  They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home.  Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them.  It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.  They are no longer employed at Boeing.  Here's your sign guys - don't get it wet, the paint might run!

 Number 3 Idiot of 2005

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of Montreal, walked into the branch and wrote, "thiz iz a stikkup.  Put all yur muny in this bag."  While he was standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone might have seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window.  So, he left the Bank of Montreal and crossed the street to the CIBC.  After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed the note to the teller.  She read it, and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbour, told him that she could not accept his note because it was written on a Bank of Montreal deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a CIBC deposit slip or go back to the Bank of Montreal.  Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "Okay," and left.  He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of Montreal.  Don't bother with a sign for this guy - he probably couldn't read it anyway!

 Number 4 Idiot of 2005

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car.  He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.  Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.  Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs.  He immediately mailed in his $40.  Another sign (although this guy may be onto something worth thinking about!)

 Number 5 Idiot of 2005

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.  After the cashier put the money in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch behind the counter that he wanted.  He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "I can't - because I don't believe you are over 21."  The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him.  At this point, the robber took his driver's licence out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.  The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag.  The robber then ran from the store with his loot.  The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the licence.  They arrested the robber 2 hours later.  This guy definitely needs a sign!

 Number 6 Idiot of 2005

A pair of Manitoba robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.  The first one shouted, "Nobody move!"  When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him!  This guy doesn't need a sign - he probably figured it out for himself.

 Number 7 Idiot of 2005

Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly.  He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze and run.  So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.  The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious.  It seems the Elgin, Ontario liquor store window was made of plexi-glass.  The whole event was caught on videotape.  Oh, that smarts!  Give him his sign!

Please note that all of the above mentioned people are eligible to vote!!

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