The doctor told me "Physical exercise
is good for you." I know that I should do it, but my body is out of
shape, so I have worked out this easy daily program I can do
Beat around the bush.
Jump to conclusions.
Climb the walls.
Wade through paperwork.
Drag my heels.
Push my luck.
Make mountains out of mole hills.
Hit the nail on the head.
Bend over backwards.
Jump on the band wagon.
Balance the books.
Run around in circles.
Toot my own horn.
Climb the ladder of success.
Pull out the stops.
Open a can of worms.
Put my foot in my mouth.
Go over the edge.
Start the ball rolling
Pick up the pieces.
Whew! What a workout!
You are invited to use my program
inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!"
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse."
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote
pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver,
young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie,
leaned out the window and asked the shepherd...
"If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will
give me one?"
The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at
peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."
The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM Thinkpad and connected
to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where
called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then
opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas.
sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a
Finally, he prints out a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer
turns to the shepherd and says.......
"You have exactly 1586 sheep."
"That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into
Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
will you give me back my animal?"
"OK, why not." answered the young man.
"Clearly, you are a consultant." said the shepherd.
"That's correct." says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"
"No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew,
question I never asked, and you don't know anything about my
Now give me back my dog."