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Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck...
How
to live in a world that's politically correct?
His workers no longer
would answer to "Elves."
"Vertically Challenged" they were calling
themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole
Were alleged
by the union to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety,
Released
to the wilds by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made
it quite clear
That Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid,
Were replaced with four pigs,
and you know that looked stupid!
The runners had been removed from his sleigh;
The ruts were
termed dangerous by the E.P.A.
And people had started to call for
the cops
When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur-trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened."
And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose
And had gone on
Geraldo, in front of the nation,
Demanding millions in over-due
compensation.>
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife,
Who suddenly
said she'd had enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group, packed,
and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts, why he'd ne'er had a notion,
That making
a choice could cause so much commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing
of fur,
Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her.
Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim. Nothing
to shoot.
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing
for just girls. Or just for the boys.
Nothing that claimed to be
gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific.>
No candy or sweets...they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing
that seemed to embellish a truth.
And fairy tales, while not yet
forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden.
For they raised
the hackles of those psychological
Who claimed the only good gift
was one ecological.
No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt;
Besides,
playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist,
and should be passe;
And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed;
He just
could not figure out what to do next.
He tried to be merry, tried
to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word
today.
His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;
Nothing
fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift he might
Give to all
without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy,
with no indecision,
Each group of people, every religion;
Every ethnicity, every
hue,
Everyone, everywhere...even you.
So here is that gift, its price beyond worth...
"May you
and your loved ones enjoy peace on earth."
[And, of course, then there is always the alternative to Santa, Jesus, the Incarnate Lord. E. Fox Coming soon... A Theology of Santa]
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